To start off my eye doctors appointment sure sent me off on some CrAzY reflection and some of it does not seem to fully connect BUT thats how my brain works. (Sorry in advance:P) Soooo here goes nothing….I have always thought that non-diabetics would not understand the relief of an ‘all good’ from the doc. However, my parents understand it and so does Kam. So does anyone with a chronic illness and their families. I felt relief when my grandmas cancer was in remission. (not so much anymore but there is still hope!). So I write this post with the assumption that you kinda understand the feeling. BUT I am going to make it personally about me 😀
I think check ups make me depressed! As I told you yesterday I got an ‘all good’ from the eye doctor. WooooHOOOO!! I should be excited right?
I think I feel upset because for more than a small moment I have to think of the possibilities of my future. How many people my age care to think about their future physical abilities?! We just drink and hope for the best! Haha However, I think everyone takes for granted their ability to move and live life. Could you imagine losing your eyesight? or a leg? What if one day your organs start failing. Are you thinking about that when your pissed off that your PVR did not record your show? Or if you are stuck in traffic? I think it is hard to appreciated our mobility when we are just use to having it every day.
I cannot stress enough how often complications are on my mind. Any time i eat something or do a certain physical activity that I know will make my sugar go high or low. I cant help by have a small second in my mind of ‘Oh great!’ which body part is this hurting?
I have had diabetes for 13 years and i have been so lucky for so long. How much more ‘lucky’ will I be?! And as my hangovers last more then one day and my eye sight gets worse, as the birthdays and diabetes birthdays pass I cannot help but worry a little more when I sit in the doctors lobby.
When we go to bed we should be thankful that we made it through another day (even if it was shitty) with the family/friends/things/opportunities we have because who knows what will happen next.